• one completely worn-out bra. nice to get your money's worth.
• one completely worn-out purse. ditto.
• one pair of tweezers, pink. prettier but less effective than the black ones.
• five clear glass vases. about time i got rid of that inventory.
• ten children's books. going to good homes.

• one switch plate cover. they are starting to rise to the surface like dead fish.
• one can of pepper spray with accompanying leather holster. i will never have the presence of mind to use this should the need arise.
• the pieces to a lock and knob set, minus the doorknobs themselves. hmmmm.
• a bottle of castor oil. i was too scared to use it.

• five children's books. just the beginning.
• all the pens in the house that no longer work. i still have two jars of pens and four of pencils.
• one three-drawer plastic organizer.
• one beautiful shirt.

• three votive holders. if i use my entire inventory simultaneously, i may burn down the house.
• one votive candle. weird shape, doesn't fit.
• one package of photo paper for the printer. some day i will take pictures...

• a glass ice bucket. i really want to use an ice bucket this year.
• a piece of a wooden puzzle. somewhere there is a train missing its caboose.
• a set of twelve powdered pigments. i am so glad my kids never found this.
• a package of red pom-poms. seems like an unlikely purchase, but here they are.
• a package of trading card binder pages. really?

• five children's books. originally published in:
• 1940
• 1963
• 1926
• 1939
• 1985

• a pair of shoelaces. still in the package.
• a pair of towel rods. taken out of my bathroom one and a half years ago.
• a light fixture from the same bathroom.
• all of the hardware from the cupboards and drawers in that same small bathroom.
• an unused switch plate. i think there may be a lot of them knocking around.

• one piece of orange-painted metal. i've accepted that i am not going to figure out what it was once a part of.
• one almost-empty tub of hardened joint compound.
• one small paintbrush. no longer flexible.
• one calculator. non-functioning.
• one thin piece of metal. a threshold? cornering of some sort? it looks too short to be useful. even if i could figure out its purpose.

• three pillowcases. almost down to a reasonable number.
• one Ikea timer. sometimes things really are too cheap.
• zinc lozenges. too horrible to contemplate, even if they work.

• one collapsible laundry hamper. collapsing.
• one refrigerator magnet. ugly
• one vegetable peeler. i have another much better one.
• one nearly empty bag of hot cereal. we have two other kinds we don't seem to eat, either.
• one crappy aluminum pie tin. should i ever decide to bake a pie, i will purchase a much nicer one.

• one subscription to an online dating site. harder than it sounds.
• four books:
• Confessions of a Slacker Mom. funny. tiny. wonder what she got paid?
• The Explosive Child. enough said.
• My Dream of You. read.
• People With Dirty Hands. i am not actually a gardener, i just like gardens.

• one wooden basket with ducks on it. much nicer than it sounds.
• two kids' dvds. everyone here has outgrown them.
• one electric drill. with power cord. and rust.

• three small sheets of vinyl flooring. all different patterns.
• one long-sleeved t-shirt. i finally wore it, and promptly stained it.
• one pajama top. trashed.

• a gift box of three bars of soap. not nice enough to regift.
• the box, charger, cord, and manual for a phone i no longer own.
• and another charger. these are very hard to throw away.
• cords to two printers i no longer own.

• twelve cds. some of them no longer readable by my current operating system.
• a shirt. i can't do that hippie thing.

• a big stack of children's drawings. plenty more where they came from.
• a lingerie bag. for the washing machine. apparently i own two of them.
• a large painted glass rock. honestly.
• all of the school photos i never gave to anyone.
• a yoga mat. i am possibly the only person in america who does not do yoga.

• an informational magnet. still relevant, just not very magnetic.
• two green ceramic bowls. i have too many bowls of disparate styles and colors.
• two bottles of water treatment drops for the aquarium. which now houses a lizard.
• four containers of fish and frog food. reminders of the dearly departed.
• one unidentifiable plastic piece of... something.
• is it ribbon? is it tape? one roll of unpleasantly sticky green stuff.
• one bottle of solidified gorilla glue.

• a film camera. i have two identical ones - kind of nice, should film remain available.
• a bra. ill-fitting.
• a small cloth camera case. do i still own this camera?
• another rock! they are everywhere.
• a lovely blue crocheted purse.

• a promo leash from the vet's office. i wish they'd just use ours while we're there.
• a bottle of valerian capsules. expiration date '03.
• four of a set of five colored glass bud vases. i kept the blue one.

• two glass pitchers and one glass vase. left over from my long-defunct business.
• two colored glasses. part of an old project i no longer have any interest in.

• four rocks. they often end up in the dryer.
• three pillowcases. i have an incredible number of pillowcases.
• an irredeemably stained placemat.

• an almost full bottle of trader joe's cleaning soluntion. it smelled terrible. 
• a jar of jalapeno/wasabi hot sauce. i kept swearing that i loved it, but i think i was wrong.
• a box of photo corners. how have these escaped earlier purges?
• another piece of partnerless tupperware. just when i think it's all gone...
• a book, The Private Life of the Rabbit. not sure why i have it.

• one paper globe lampshade for hanging bulb. tired of it. it is easier to replace things that are gone than things that remain.
• one metal ladle. i have two, i only need one. 
• four company logo t-shirts. i don't have to wear t-shirts to work anymore.

• a green shirt that i used to love. the last four times i put it on, i decided it wasn't quite right. why try it a fifth time?
• four large pieces of origami. my children's strategy for handling artwork they no longer want is to give it to me.

• a bag of candle-making supplies. who wants homemade candles?
• a glass mixing bowl half-filled with some sort of wax. i'm sure it could be melted and cleaned and reused; in short, a project that would sit for months on a shelf.
• five pairs of foam sunglasses, beach-themed. obviously, no explanation is necessary.

• one barrette. the plastic coating peeled off, revealing an ugly cheap piece of metal.
• five rocks. it is astonishing how many rocks i find carefully tucked into corners of my house.

• one package of plastic knives. i don't ever host picnics for 25.
• one package of plastic spoons. ditto.
• one package of #357 batteries. once known as hearing aid batteries. i threw away the one thing i owned which used this size battery two weeks ago.
• one broken plastic hourglass. why do i still own this?
• one drawing by my daughter. she is prolific, i can't keep them all.

• a blue rubber dog brush. completely ineffective
• a picnic thermos. wrong size for martinis.
• a painted glass. i will never never use it.
• a small glass vase. bought for a project long since abandoned.
• a book, 1001 Ways To Market Your Small Business. sigh.